New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
