i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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