you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
