I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.