If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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