Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos