making cat noises will not fix the situation.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
