And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
