I'm eating all of the evidence.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize