I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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