she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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