dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
