Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
