the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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