3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
