I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
