Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
