I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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