He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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