no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
