you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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