just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
