you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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