i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
