he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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