even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
