I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Randomize
