Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
