It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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