I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
