don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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