There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
