I'm so fucking centered right now
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
