He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
