do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
