Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
