Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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