I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
