i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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