Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
