Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
