I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
