Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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