xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
