I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
