the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
