if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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