you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
