my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
