I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
