so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
