Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
