i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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