It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
