I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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