I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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