I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
