jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
