I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
