note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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