I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize