i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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