the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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