I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
