I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
