Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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